Commitment

Commitment:
1. A promise to do something or behave in a particular way; a promise to support somebody or something; the fact of commiting yourself.
2.The willingness to work hard and give your energy and time to a job or an activity.
3. A thing that you have promised to do, or that you have to do.
4. Agreeing to use money, time or people in order to acheive something.

This past summer I attended the wedding of one of my closest friends. Unlike past weddings I went to this one held a special importance for me.
It was my best friend making a life changing choice; I had witnessed closely the trials and tribulations of the process of her life when it came to relationships; and I had been, for quite some time, questioning my capacity to commit, be it at work, friendship or romance.
I was eager to open myself up to this experience and see how it would affect me. Also hoping I may gain some new insights from it.

I wasn't dissapointed.

Aside from the deep, often conflict ridden moments during the preparations for the wedding, that challenged and almost broke apart my friendship, I got to explore my resistances to change, my fears of loss, and my insecurities about my capacity to love and be loved by one person exclusively.
The highlight of that day was, to my surprise, the groom's vows.
I was not surprised by his eloquence or the truthfulness of his conviction. I know him to be an honest, intelligent, and fully commited to his heart's wisdom man.
What surprised and deeply moved me, was the clarity and profound emotional nakedness of his words and their delivery.
With his permission, this is what he said:


Some say that love-at-first-sight is a relic from the past.  But I knew the instant I met you that you were special.  I also knew that I was embarking on something powerful and life-changing. What I didn’t know was how being with you would change me, of how it would awaken a spectrum of emotions within me that I didn’t even know existed.  I am a better person because you are in my life, and I can’t imagine another day of life without you in it.  Finding a way to tell you how grateful I am and how much you mean to me is impossible, but this much I can tell you…

… that I will always be loyal to you and defend your honor

… that I will always work to improve myself so that we improve as a couple

… that I will embrace and celebrate our great victories in life

… that I will have faith in our union even in times of adversity

… that I will support you the best way that I know

… that I will respect our differences and trust in our powers of compromise

… that I will be, till my dying days, honored that you agreed to be my wife,

… and finally, above everything else, that I will always love you.

(My gratitude and thanks G. for being able to use this marvelous piece of writing)

I invite you, as I did, to take a moment, look into your heart and your life and ask yourself:

Is there anyone or anything in my life I feel this deeply about?

Could I make these promises to, if no one else, myself?

Are my existing relationships or activities of such a depth and breadth to support such  promises?

If any or all of the answers are negative, perhaps it is worth exploring ones understanding of commitment and relationship.

I surely did.

PS: In the opening definitions of commitment there is something absent, that I had always consciously and subconsciously attached to commitment: nowhere is "forever"or "always" part of the time element.