Unusual Sources

VIY: Very Important You

When a lover brings as a present to his playmate, Rebecca ‘Bea’ Dakin’s book “The Girlfriend Experience: My fun and adventurous life as an escort” , about a week before Valentine’s Day , mind you, one can only imagine a fore mentioned playmate exclaiming “Oh darling! How thoughtful of you! I always wanted to read this” . On the other hand a third party observer may have a list of interesting inquiries about the choice. For instance “Was that gesture meant as a invitation to role playing activities?”, “Is this a subtle insinuation to read up on the latest bedroom techniques from an industry master?” Or possibly “Is this man suggesting a rate should be established for his “Girlfriend experience”? The only way I could address those questions was by plunging with abundance in the reading of this book, to perhaps unveil some mysterious clues that eluded me.
They say “You can’t judge a book by its cover”. In the case of “GFE”( abbreviated version of book’s title), that is very much true. A petite blond on the cover, in her LBD is sitting at a bar (how original!) stirring her cocktail and beaming a toothy smile at the other end of the bar (invisible to us). The title’s print is raised in long hand, and the color choice is what Vogue editors may call “Hot Pink”. The back cover notes are unsigned.
Never mind all that. I am determined to read this whether I like the cover or not.
The prose leaves much to be desired, and the “diary” entries are pretty repetitive and somewhat expected from someone in Rebecca’s line of work. What is a delightful surprise though, is her insight, candor and understandings of both female and male partners in their pursuit of pleasure, acceptance and why not, love. Sure, you might argue , she probably does have the opportunity to experience a variety of partners and their unique needs, yet that’s not exactly what happens in the non escort world of hopeful lovers and couples (or does it?) You may even say that the financial reward attached to her practice substantially alters the psychological ramifications of such exploits.
I however got to draw some parallels between her experience and mine.

In the world of relationships it seems no one has ever managed to give a definitive answer to what makes love stay, although millions of pages have been written, research conducted, self help books fly off the shelves, and TV shows and movies continually explore the subject vigorously.
From Rebecca’s point of view, there’s seems to be a pretty clear understanding of who she is, why she is that way, what works and what doesn’t work for HER, both in her clients perspective bedrooms and out into the world. Most importantly she exhibits a willingness to comprehend and cater to the needs of those around her, her family, friends and boyfriends included, without compromising her own. Well that is not alien territory to anyone I think, and maybe Rebecca’s straightforward, honest and unprejudiced view of herself and her Johns is nothing to scoff at.
So maybe she didn’t definitively answer the perennial question of Love. She most certainly though charted out a pretty cohesive map of unisex, if not Universal principals of conduct:

1. Do take the time to get to know you and learn what you desire and need to feel happy.
2. Do recognize your value, unique talents and personality traits, strengths of character, physique etc.
3. Do,without judgment, acknowledge your personal limitations and annoying habits.
4. Do take the time to get to know and appreciate your perspective partner’s needs, desires, value, unique talents and personality traits, strengths of character, physique, limitations and annoying habits.
5. Never underestimate your capacity to please yourself and others.
6. Do recognize the importance of taking care of your own needs first, without guilt or fear you may appear selfish, needy, weak or high maintenance.
7. Do venture into liaisons you previously where conditioned to think as “unfit”, “unpopular”, “outdated” or even “risque” if you feel your current method of operations brings you nothing but grief.
8. Do acknowledge that this is uncharted territory, and as such, you will find yourself making “mistakes”, failing, shocking a few people , and possibly, losing some.
9. Do try to be kind to yourself, and them, when that happens.
10. IT IS SOOOOO WORTH IT! And anyhow giving up is most certainly no solution.

In closing I would like to share with you some explorations on this matter by two of my other favorite inquirers of such matters: Rob Brezny and Tim Robbins, thank you gentlemen!
http://bit.ly/OrgasmicRoots
http://bit.ly/LoveAd


“Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself or not. Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has a beginning or an end. Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of bed, and Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm.
There is only one serious question. And that is:
Who knows how to make love stay?
Answer me that and I will tell you whether or not to kill yourself .
Answer me that and I will ease your mind about the beginning and the end of time.
Answer me that and I will reveal to you the purpose of the moon.”